On Angel Wings

Childhood trauma has a way of planting lies deep in our hearts — lies about blame, identity, and worth.

This is a true story of healing from childhood trauma and the truth that set her free.

I have permission to share this story, but have changed some details to protect privacy. She has a great story about her name, but I will call her Marvel.

“I’m Always Causing Trouble”

Even as a chaplain in a busy trauma hospital, I got to know some patients over time.

Marvel was such a patient and I enjoyed my visits with her. We had bonded quickly over faith and prayer.

I’d received a page to the emergency room observation unit. I was happy to see it was Marvel.

From our first visit I knew she had a call on her life for ministry, but wasn’t exactly sure what it was. She was involved in her church and had a deep relationship with the Lord.

Because of this, it surprised me when one of the first things she said was:
“I’m always causing trouble.”

That pricked my ears. It felt more like a lie than a character flaw.
I said, “Tell me more.”

She immediately began telling me about the day her mother was shot and killed by her step-father when she was in grade school.

Her mother told her to stay behind, but she had been her mother’s shadow that year.
Marvel just couldn’t stay behind.

Her mother entered the room to find a gun trained on her.
Marvel entered the room.
Just as her step-father shot her mother.
Then he turned the gun on Marvel and pulled the trigger.

She saw the smoke from the gun and ran.

Later a bullet would be found where her head should have been.

Angel Wings

She ran.

Faster than the wind.

And burst into her Auntie’s house.
She got into the house through a locked door.

Marvel told me she had just talked to her friend who lived next door to the shooting.

The friend heard the shots.
She did not see Marvel run past.
But she would have had to run past to get to Auntie’s house.
Through a locked door.
Fast as the wind.

And Marvel and I looked at each other.
Wide eyed.

How?

On angel wings.

It Was My Fault

I still didn’t understand why Marvel felt she was “always causing trouble.”
A few more questions shed light on it.

When her mother was dating the man who would be her step-father,
Marvel knew that she knew that this man would kill her mother.

Marvel told her:
“This guy is going to kill you.”

Then it happened.
And in her little girl mind, she somehow believed that she caused it.

That was the lie.
She didn’t cause it. She just knew it would happen.

She carried this for a lifetime.

Truth Comes

She was a little girl.
She didn’t hold the gun.
As we talked about it,
God helped her see it wasn’t her fault.

Though she didn’t stay back,
she was not to blame.

God was with her,
whisking her away on angel wings.

She felt the burden lift.

Calling Renewed

She said, “Now I have work to do.”
Kingdom work.

She had felt unqualified before.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. (Eph. 2:10)

I invite you to let God bring truth to the lies you may be believing as well.
Especially the ones rooted in pain, trauma, or things that were never your fault.
You can begin here: the lies you believe

Have you ever carried something that was never yours to carry?
Feel free to leave a comment if this resonated with you,