God’s Gift of Healing Community

Do you ever just not want to go?

Church. Exercise class. Lunch with a good friend.

I hear you.

I had one of those weeks. Curling up in my recliner with mindless games sounded like the perfect solution.

But I’ve learned something about myself. I’m an extrovert with introvert tendencies. When I start wanting to withdraw from the people who help me flourish, I pay attention. I’ve learned that getting dressed and showing up is what my heart needs.

We are reminded to “inspire each other to love and do good deeds. And don’t forget to get together and encourage one another” (Heb. 10:24-25, my paraphrase).

And so, I might not have looked my best but I went.

I was seen.

I laughed.

I had good conversations.

I came home feeling lighter than when I’d left.

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Why is This So Hard?

It isn’t the same experience for everyone. For some of us, old wounds come along. We wonder if we’re in someone’s way or standing in the wrong place. We worry about saying the wrong thing or not fitting in. Sometimes even a small correction can awaken feelings that are much older than the moment itself.

In one water exercise class, I worried about where I would stand. Too shallow and my shoulders were cold. Too deep and I’d drown. But I often seemed to be in someone else’s favorite spot. I had to keep talking myself into believing it was okay to take up space.

As I kept showing up, those fears gradually grew quieter. I learned names. I found my place. People became familiar. The class that once felt intimidating began to feel comfortable.

Unless I got shushed. That still lights up something old inside me. I haven’t fully untangled that one yet. When I do, you’ll probably be the second to know.

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Not Made to Be Alone

Long before sin entered the world, God declared something wasn’t good.

“It is not good for the man to be alone.” (Gen. 2:18).

The God who exists in eternal relationship created us for relationship as well.

We reflect His image not only as individuals but as people who know, love, encourage, and care for one another.

But we don’t live in Eden anymore.

We see the repercussions of sin, free will, evil, and human brokenness every day. People get hurt. Childhoods can become chaotic. Marriages can fail.

This fallen world has a way of isolating us. It can steal trust, confidence, and the expectation that we’ll be welcomed.

We cannot choose the family or childhood we were given. As adults, however, we do have choices. We can focus on what we don’t have, never had, or never will have. Or we can begin taking small steps forward by choosing who we invite into our lives and who we allow to influence us.

One way to fight back is by building healthy relationships as adults.

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Who Was There for You?

A few weeks ago I wrote about the supportive people I discovered in Loved More than I Knew.

I hope you were able to think of some people God placed in your childhood too. Perhaps they were those closest to you.

If not, was there a grandparent, teacher, coach, youth pastor, or mentor that comes to mind?

I know that, for some readers, those very people may have been the source of pain. I’m asking us to look instead for the safe people God provided, even if there were only one or two.

As children, we didn’t get to choose the people around us.

Some were wonderful.

Some weren’t.

But adulthood gives us a gift.

We can choose the people we invite into our lives. We can begin building our own safe harbors.

Some of those relationships may be family. Others become trusted friends. Some have walked beside us for years. Others arrive for a particular season.

As I have grown and found healing, I’ve learned which relationships nourish me and which ones leave me drained. Some friendships are beautifully mutual. Others become more like ministry.

Ships aren’t meant to stay in harbor forever.

But they also aren’t meant to live in storms.

Every ship needs a place to refuel, make repairs, and prepare for the next voyage.

We do too.

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Time to Build

After Covid, I was almost done with church. Nothing felt right anymore.
I felt a very strong nudging to go to the church I now attend.

I was hoping to find solid biblical teaching and a pastor I could trust.

I found those.

But God gave me something I didn’t even know I needed.

Community.

It started with the pastor who knew my name. Then slowly, by being greeted by others, saying hello, smiling, and learning names, it became more comfortable. It deepened by conversation, classes, small groups, and getting together.

My husband has a different story. Because his family moved constantly while he was growing up, he attended ten different schools in ten years. Just as friendships began to form, it was time to leave again. His sister became more outgoing. Pat became quieter.

For years he had coworkers and acquaintances, but few close friends. Then our church and small group slowly changed that. Today he has a good friend he enjoys spending time with, and instead of heading straight for the parking lot after church, he often stays to talk with people. Relationships take time, but they’re worth the investment.

This church has become a safe harbor. People notice if we’re not there. We pray for one another. We’ve found brothers and sisters in Christ who love and support us. Good sermons and worship are icing on the cake.

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Be a Safe Harbor

Healthy communities don’t happen by accident.

I wrote about becoming a good listener in Two Ears. One Mouth. We can also become a safe harbor for others.

We help others when we show up.

At church. Family events. Birthday parties.

You don’t have to be fearless to build community.

Someone else may be walking into church wondering if they’ll fit.

Learn their name.

Invite them to coffee.

Save them a seat.

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Brush Your Teeth

Trauma still whispers,
“Stay home.”
“No one will notice.”
“You don’t belong.”

Sometimes there are good reasons to stay home. Some people, especially introverts, need solitude to recharge. We all need rest, and there are seasons when our bodies or minds need quiet.

For some people, a quiet afternoon with a good book or time in the garden is exactly what fills the tank. Others recharge by walking, creating, praying, or simply enjoying God’s creation. Healthy solitude doesn’t pull us away from life forever. It prepares us to return to it.

But if “stay home” has become your constant companion, be careful. I’ve learned that isolation can quietly feed discouragement until it becomes even harder to walk out the front door.

Community gently answers,
“We’ve been saving you a seat.”

And, little by little, your heart opens to believe:
“You belong here.”

Sometimes the hardest part is getting out of your recliner.

Brush your teeth.
Comb your hair.
Go anyway.