When You Can’t Keep Every Plate Spinning
Some people are people of action. They don’t have much trouble with James 1:22: “prove yourselves doers of the word and not merely hearers”, because they are constantly in action.
I used to be this person. I was Superwoman. I was a wife, the mother of small children, a seminary student, a small-business owner, and a church volunteer. I had more plates spinning on little rods than I could count.
One day, so my husband tells it, he came home and asked me a simple question. I couldn’t make a simple decision. I was overwhelmed.
Slowly, the plates began to slip. I couldn’t keep them all spinning with elegant balance anymore.
Superwoman had to lay down her cape.
I think I had forgotten another part of James:
If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking (James 1:5).
I was smart, high-functioning, and had it all together. Until I didn’t.
I kept adding to my schedule without stopping to ask God what was actually mine to do.
It can be embarrassing to admit you aren’t as strong as you thought, or that you’ve simply run yourself dry. But asking for wisdom is wiser than waiting for the plates to crash.
What is Mine to Control?
We all have spinning plates to take care of. They may be family, work, church or community obligations. Unexpected illnesses or crises may intervene from time to time.
I may not be able to control events in my life, but my behavior, words, choices and commitments are mine. I might be having a bad day, I might be tired, but how I react to others is still mine. With the Holy Spirit’s help, I can still be kind, apologize if I get snappy, and admit when my tank is dry and I need a moment to regroup.
If I’ve hurt someone, I can take responsibility for my part. If I’ve broken a promise, I need to acknowledge that and do what I can to make it right.
I can also be honest about my limits. Having agreed to something doesn’t mean I must silently keep doing it forever, especially if the job has grown far beyond what I agreed to do.
I may need to say, “I can finish this month, but I can’t continue after that,” or “I agreed to help with this part. I can’t take on the whole project.”
That conversation may be uncomfortable. It may also be the responsible thing to do.
But I can’t do the other person’s part.
What is Not Mine
Someone else may be disappointed when I decline a new request or change a commitment I can no longer sustain. I can listen kindly. I can speak clearly and keep my word about what I can do.
But I can’t manage their disappointment for them. Their opinion of me, their choices, and their response to a reasonable boundary are not mine to control.
Here’s a question I need to ask myself:
Can somebody be unhappy with me without that meaning I’ve done something wrong?
For those of us who are quick to help, that question can feel enormous.
A Warning Light
Sometimes I notice resentment creeping in while I’m helping someone. Resentment doesn’t automatically mean I’m doing something wrong, but it’s worth paying attention to.
Have I taken on more than I can carry? Has the request grown since I said yes? Am I doing something that belongs to someone else? Did God ask me to carry this, or did I appoint myself?
Sometimes the answer will be to keep helping through a hard season. Sometimes it will be to ask for help, change what I’ve agreed to, or step away. That’s why I need God’s wisdom, not just a faster way to spin the plates.
People may be disappointed. But my worth does not come from being useful, indispensable, endlessly available, or able to keep every plate spinning.
I have worth because I was created and loved by God—not because of what I accomplish for Him or anyone else.
Sure, He has things for me to do. I just need to check with Him before I pick up my neighbor’s chores, too.
