I’m Talking About “NO!”

When Saying Yes Isn’t the Honest Answer

One of my favorite stories is hearing about a little girl who was muttering something. She was asked what she was talking about. “I’m talking about ‘NO!’”

Sometimes we forget that powerful little word we used so freely as toddlers.

It doesn’t have to be shouted with arms crossed and a foot stomped, though sometimes it might need to be.

We do not need to be hugged by someone we don’t want to be hugged by.

We do not need to say yes to everything someone else wants us to do.

We don’t need to stay in the room when someone is being disrespectful or spiteful.

We do not need to volunteer for everything because someone else won’t step up.

We don’t need to “do everything” at our own personal expense.

We can ask for help if we need it.

We are limited creatures. God has given us the ability to choose. We can say “No, thank you.”

We can admit when our schedules are full. When our tanks are empty. When time with family comes before one more obligation. When it’s Sabbath and time to rest.

When Yes Is a Lie

Why do we say Yes when we want to say no?
Jesus tells us to let our yes be yes and our no be no (Matthew 5:37).
Be honest and true in what you say and mean.

I imagine there are as many reasons as kinds of knots.

• Was I afraid she’d be angry?
• Did I need to be needed?
• Was I afraid he’d think I was selfish?
• Did I believe being a good Christian meant saying yes?
  Always? To everyone?
• Did I think someone else’s disappointment meant I’d done something wrong?
• Was I trying to control what someone thought of me?

It might be worth spending time with Jesus to try to figure out what kinds of situations press you into saying yes when you really want to say no.

When do you say yes when you really ought to say no? What is that yes costing you: your peace, your time with family, your marriage, or your time with the Lord?

When “No” Is Hard

Having compassionate boundaries can be difficult.

Some people use “no” as an impenetrable wall. But a healthy “no” isn’t meant to shut everyone out.

As I said in the last article, abusive relationships cross boundaries that should never be crossed. Some “no”s may come with police protection. Please get the help you need to be safe.

Sometimes saying no means speaking the truth in love. It means being loving enough to be honest when it would be easier to ignore what’s going on or put up with bad behavior. It means speaking not out of retaliation, but clearly and with kindness.

Our primary responsibility is managing our own choices and responses.

How to Know When to Say Yes

When an invitation comes to volunteer, to join social activities, or to add one more thing to your schedule…pause.
Give yourself space to think about your schedule, your energy level, your priorities, your present commitments.
Ask God what He thinks about it. Let them know you need to check in with your Social Advisor first.

I’ve done a few crazy God things because it was His will and His timing. I’ve said no to some “good” things because I didn’t have the bandwidth.

Sometimes love says yes.

Sometimes obedience says yes.

Sometimes generosity says yes.

And sometimes the most truthful answer we can give is simply, “No, thank you.”

We don’t have to answer immediately. We can stop, notice what is happening inside us, look honestly at what we have to give, and ask Jesus what He thinks.

Our yes can be yes.

And our no can really be no.