I Said Yes, But to WHAT?

Have you ever said yes to a part of a project and then discovered you’ve apparently adopted the whole thing?

Sometimes this happens gradually. People step out, circumstances change, or the nonprofit becomes successful. Before you know it, what you originally agreed to has grown beyond what you have the time, desire, or even skills to handle.

Other times, you might discover your yes meant something quite different to you than to the person who asked.

And sometimes the trouble begins before we even say yes. We agree because we think we ought to, feel pressured, or simply haven’t stopped to consider what we’re being asked to do.

That’s why it’s important to pause before answering.

Before the Yes: PAUSE

When a request comes your way, find out exactly what they are asking for and get some details. Then consider saying, “I will pray about it and get back to you.”

Now take the opportunity to pray and ask God about it. Consider your schedule, your values, and your family commitments. I get calendar-challenged when I’m busy, so it’s always a good idea for me to slow down and look at my calendar before I say yes, even if I want to say yes.

If it’s a one-time opportunity, it might be an easy yes or an easy no.

And going back to previous articles, it’s okay to clearly say no, even if you disappoint someone. You are responsible for your schedule. They are responsible for managing their feelings.

Count the Cost of the Yes

In prayer, consider the cost of a larger commitment. We want to be able to say yes to the things God has planned for us and to opportunities that align with our values and talents. We need to say “no” to some good things so that we can say “yes” to the important things.

James 3:17 describes God’s wisdom as pure, peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. In contrast, earthly wisdom can be driven by envy and selfish ambition.

God’s wisdom helps us examine not only what we’re being asked to do, but also why we’re considering saying yes.

Good questions to ask yourself:

• How much time and emotional or physical energy will this require?
• What existing responsibilities will it affect?
• What will it cost my family?
• How will it affect my rest or Sabbath?
• Is God leading me, or am I afraid of disappointing someone?
• If I say yes to this, what will I have to let go of or say no to?

Every yes is expensive. That doesn’t mean we don’t say yes. It means we count the cost and make sure we’re responding with love and wisdom to God’s assignments for us.

Give Your Yes Boundaries

Your yes still has boundaries. It doesn’t mean, “Now I can do everything for you or your organization.” Hard-working volunteers (and employees) are hard to find and keep. They are like gold.

Organizations have positions to fill and jobs that need doing. You, however, are finite and must guard your availability.

Just because you are capable doesn’t mean you are called to do a certain task. Just because someone believes you should do something doesn’t mean God is calling you to do it.

You are also not the only one who can help. Sometimes your “no” gives someone else the opportunity to step up, or the organization may need to reconsider its priorities.

There are reasons we might have difficulty keeping our gates closed. (See Build a Fence, Be the Gatekeeper.)
It’s worth asking ourselves:

• Why do I think they’re asking me specifically?
• Do I want approval?
• Am I flattered that I’m needed?
• Am I saying yes because no one else will do it?
• Am I really the only person who can do this?

A yes should have a beginning, an end, and a defined scope.

You can give your yes with boundaries:

“I can help” doesn’t have to mean “I am now responsible for this.”

“I can help Tuesday afternoon.”

“I can do this for the next month.”

“I can bring dinner, but I can’t coordinate the meal train.”

“I can take this extra shift, but I’m not generally available for additional shifts.”

That’s the gatekeeper principle applied to YES.

What If the Yes Changes After I Give It?

You might have agreed to a set schedule where someone is depending on you. You’ve prayed about it and believe it’s God’s will for you. This might be teaching a class or working in the nursery. It doesn’t always mean you will enjoy it. The schedule hasn’t changed, but your feelings may have.

God sometimes grows and stretches us through difficult assignments. Continue praying and seeking His grace. Sometimes you do need to keep an inconvenient commitment because you gave your word.

At other times, projects grow over time, and you don’t notice until it’s too much. You agree to do project A, but then someone gives you project B. Which is okay until they give you C and then slip in D.

This isn’t a commitment becoming more difficult. It’s a commitment becoming something different.

You are allowed to revisit the agreement and renegotiate. Keeping your word doesn’t mean agreeing to everything that gets added afterward.

There may also come a point when you notice growing resentment, restlessness, complaining, or grumbling. You might be approaching burnout.

This is a good time to get curious about what you’re feeling and why. It may help to talk with a wise friend or counselor to work through what’s happening inside you.

If you’ve prayerfully considered the situation and the demands are still more than you can reasonably carry, it may be time to renegotiate the position, lessen your load, or even step down.

After all, your yes didn’t mean you’d write the program, make all the copies, play the tuba, and sweep up afterwards.